You’re Doing Enough
One of the biggest things I find myself struggling with from day to day is the idea of what I SHOULD be doing with my time and life. Maybe that’s because I’m an anxious person, or because I’m taking an unconventional path or because I’m scared of failing. But what I do know is that it takes away from be enjoying and doing the things that I actually want to do and which will probably lead me to something I love doing everyday.
After graduating uni I decided to take a break (well I didn’t decide it was kinda decide for me by my health). I decided I was going to spend the next year on a creative endeavour exploring what I wanted my career and future to look like. But as a chronic over worker and as someone who learnt how to make themselves into a structured person whose world revolved around studying my body had finally had enough. I think once I have finally stopped I realised just how bad my health was and how much I had just been pushing through it to finish high school and then again with university.
I’d lost any mojo that I had towards this creative endeavour and it was really hard for me to not know what I was going to do or what the path in front of me was. It lead me to be quite depressed for a while. I couldn’t leave the house because of my physical health, I no longer saw my uni friends every week, I was let go at work when I was sick with covid (in a job I hated) and I didn’t know what was ahead of me or what I wanted to do with this massive expanse of time. It was this balancing act of being someone who is ambitious with lots of ideas and things to explore but my body screaming at me saying fuck off we’re not doing anything.
I spent about 6-12 months not really being able to leave my room because of my physical health. So I taught myself how to crochet animals and watched a lot of British tv. After numerous ups and downs I picked myself up and started to work towards something because at that point I needed anything to work towards. It’s always important to remember that you’re on your own path and to just take it all step by step because eventually you will get to a point that is so much further ahead than you thought you would be.